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Saturday, May 13th, 2006
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1:08 am
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| Sunday, April 9th, 2006
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7:31 pm - It's about fucking time
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Hey, guess what guys? Time to not be fun.
Today I spent quite some time picking up other people's junk,
I was shocked at how much wasn't mine. In my religion, you treat
other people's space with utmost respect, and if you cannot,
don't go there. Period.
1. Sam and Joe cannot stay the night without arranging it.
(This rule goes for everyone, especially Niladri)
2. Sam and Joe cannot eat in my house anymore.
Not even food they bring from the outside,
until I say it is ok, and they learn to clean up properly.
3. No showing up unannounced without the possibility
of being turned away. Unless you're Sydney.
4. If you want my weed, you're going to have
to contribute a dollar to every bowl you participate in.
5. If you want to eat the food in my house, you're
going to have to bring your own food to share.
Otherwise I will not share with you.
6. If you come with a car, you might need to give
a ride.
7. No smoking ciggs in my house, or near my
house, you'll have to go to the street.
8. No littering in the basement.
9. No longer than 10 minute showers
and half an hour baths. Depending.
10. All food must be on a plate.
There are too many fucking stains
on my mattress/floor/desk/your asshole.
11. If you stay over/sleep over you will sleep
in the bed I give you, and will not take mine without
asking permission.
12. If you're high, and pass out on my bed,
you will need to move if I don't want you there,
or make room for me.
13. It doesn't matter who you are,
or how long I've known you,
If you can't abide, go away.
I love to get people high, and I like giving people food,
and places to stay, and hot baths (it can get kinky),
but I don't like people who take advantage of these
things without showing social courtesy.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 3rd, 2006
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11:43 am - I can't quit life, if I've already been fired
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I'm not happy.
I'm sick and pouring out of all orifices,
officially depressed, compromised, and ignored.
Thrown away. Obese. Imprisoned-in a mountain of used tissues.
And *oh* so self destructive.
I'm hacking up a hoarse,
and a bleeding heart...
*choke, hack, die*
If only things were that simple.
current mood:  miserable
current music: Otep-house of secrets
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 11th, 2006
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2:36 pm
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New York is amazing. Everything I wanted it to be,
and more. Clubs and bars don't even ask my age,
and they serve drinks. Beautiful people. My days are
filled, and I don't want to leave.
I miss my wife though incredibly. I really do.
Pathetic? You tell me.
current music: Girls just want to have fun (backround)
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
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11:26 pm - Violent eyes
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My head hurts.
And I'm all shades of grey.
Out of the blue.
I'm fucking exhausted.
Not from doing too much, but from doing
nothing, and spinning out of control
again. and again. again. again. again.
My random malfunctions are laughable at this point,
and I'm getting angry.
Every night I have these butterflies in my stomache,
like something big is about to happen.
I think it's the Wellbutrin.
Hammer my head back together.
New York tomorrow.
Ice age and hot people in black.
I can't wait to leave. I hate it here.
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Love by Keyshia Cole
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 6th, 2006
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9:54 am - Lrig a revo lla sti and just a shit load of black metal
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Just woke up like two minutes ago,
and I had another one of my "dreams" last night,
and I'm about to shoot myself in the mother fuckin' head.
One of these days I'm just going to wake up completly insane,
not partially, completly.
Turns out I'm not going to New York till Thursday.
I'm available today, etc. If you read this and have
some free time. 517.2264
Tripping through boudoirs laced with opiate themes
Sipping the bizarre, tasting copious dreams
( Read more... )
current mood: drained
current music: Out of my mind James blunt/ Possibly maybe (remix) Bjork
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
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10:47 pm - Unravel
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"While you are away
my heart comes undone
slowly unravels
in a ball of yarn
the devil collects it
with a grin
our love
in a ball of yarn
he'll never return it
so when you come back
we'll have to make new love"
current music: Bachlorette by Bjork
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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7:35 pm - Another irregularity
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These days I don't have much to say,
and yet I have everything. I'm introverted,
but everything seems to be bubbling under the surface.
A lot of mental changes since Monday night.
I guess until I can put everything in words,
I'll just substitute it with a poem:
Body Through Which the Dream Flows
You count up everything you have
or have let go.
What's left is the lost and the possible.
To the lost, the irretrievable
or just out of reach, you say:
light loved the pier, the seedy
string quartet of the sun going down over water
that gilds ants and beach fleas
ecstatic and communal on the stiffened body
of a dead grebe washed ashore
by last night's storm. Idiot sorrow,
an irregular splendor, is the half-sister
of these considerations.
To the possible you say nothing.
October on the planet.
Huge moon, bright stars.
-Robert Hass
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(comment on this)
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4:06 am
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Climbed the tangled funeral pile of pain,
so sure nowhere to buy a future gain
for this heart, in which has grown silent the supply.
Is it still I who burns unrecognizably?
Memories I do not seize inside.
O life, life: being-outside.
And I in flame. No one who knows me.
Renunciation. That is not what illness
once was in childhood. Procrastination. Pretense for
growing bigger. Everything whispered and called.
Do not mix into this what early enthralled.
-Rilke
current mood:  gloomy
current music: Medulla by Bjork
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 25th, 2006
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1:36 am
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I'm hoping your mom's call tonight was just one of
her psychotic spasms, and didn't reflect the truth.
If it did, then where are you going? When do I get
my plane ticket? Where do I stay?
It sounds really cheesy, and mushy, and blah blah,
But I can't be without you. I'll be really down
(like the past couple days) and even the greatest
news won't break it, and you'll say one little thing,
probably without realizing it, you make my day.
I can't believe your mom said those things to me,
infact it's been one of the worst shocking phone
calls I've had. My heart just kind of stopped.
Especially because it wasn't true.
I can't sleep thinking you could be unsafe.
It actually fucking terrifies me.
I tremble when I think I won't see you for
a long long time, not like a drug withdrawal,
like a scared defenseless animal.
Find a way to get in touch,
and I will sleep.
And I honestly don't think you can be without me either.
current mood:  worried
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, February 24th, 2006
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7:50 pm
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That phone call might have been the death of me.
I like, literally can't breath right now.
Just tell me it isn't true. Please.
Just tell me it isn't true.
I. hate. her. with. all. my. heart.
current mood: not breathing
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 17th, 2006
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3:37 am - 10 people
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-- List ten things you want to say to ten people but know you never will.
-- Don't say who they are.
(I didn't really do this right, because these are things I'd most likely be able to say in person, some things I wouldn't.)
1 - I'm sorry you died tonight, and I'm sorry I had my mind on other things when I was told. I shed tears, but it wasn't for you, and I feel disrespectful. But I'll make it clear now, I remember you being there in my life, and at times I was scared to acknowledge you because death scares me, but I love you, and I hope you rest in peace.
2 - You're like what...three years late? You are a beautiful girl, but in combination between you and her, I got pretty turned off from girls there for awhile. You left an imprint on my emotional love life, every time I think I'm falling for someone, I see the same patterns that your relationship so kindly hit me on the head with. So stop flirting, we can be friends, but that's nice of me, huh?
3 - I admit, I get too easily emotional about you. I'm Sorry. I know you're not great with that sort of thing. I go back and fourth, and it shouldn't be like that. I really do love you so much. I'm always here for you, you are my life, and I hope that doesn't sound creepy, but it's true. You make me a happier person, my heart races when you call each time. Oh, and I don't tell you this because you'll think I'm lying, but to me you're the most gorgeous girl I've ever met. Find a pornstar for me baby. And you shouldn't leave the lights on at 1:59 am, flip a switch bitch.
4 - Stay strong and don't even think about the past, you're a beautiful girl, somebody will walk in and sweep you away. You don't need 18 year old relationship retards, trust me. You need 18 year old lovers ;). I think we'll be friends forever, or our lifetime, whichever you believe. Love.
5 - I actually wanted to say thanks for sticking by me, even though I used to be an asshole. I knew I was. You were right. I was a cold bitch about a lot of shit, and now I'm an emotional pansy. But we're awesome now, and it's cuz you didn't say "hey, this kid is whack" and walk away. Haha. Love ya. We need to find you a hot lesbian and more good times and drugs. Haha, Stay fierce.
6 - You're never going to read this, cuz you stopped doing Live journals awhile back. I find you one of the most fascinating personas I've come across in my life, I've been way too attracted to you in the past, and at times became frustrated with it. But I don't even think about you much now, except for that fact that you inspired me that not all girls care about "being normal" you got pretty freaky on my ass. Kindered Aquarians.
7 - You feel so much it's incredible. I only met you this year, but it made me think how much people numb themselves out, you inspire me to cry over the smallest thing, and be happy that I can feel as intensley. That's a gift.
8 - I wish you didn't go away so early, I needed you so badly in my life, and still do. I was alone for so long. I'm more grounded when you're around, and I sort of need a friend within the family, cuz mom and dad have given up on me.
9 - Sometimes your a nazi bitch who kicks my friends out for no reason, but like, you've seen me go through shit. Sometimes you're too absorbed in superficial affairs, but I can talk to you about anything and everything and you'll be there for me when I need you. Sister I never had.
10- I expect you to make something of yourself. I expect you to try and get over most of your petty fears and insecurities. I'm sorry you've had your heart broken more than once, because you really don't deserve it, but you're stronger and weaker each time. Live. Learn. Move on. Life can be dissapointing, I know this pretty fuckin' well by now, but it can also be rewarding if you let it. Good things will happen once you start taking control.
current mood:  Up and down and all around
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, February 3rd, 2006
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8:39 am - But the venom, seeps deeper, and deeper
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Yea, I have poison oak.
These meds are making my dizzy,
and tired.
But good news: It's Friday.
I demand a cure, an atidote
for itchy rashes, for long faces,
and other things.
Stab Stab.
But it's ok, because these things
always seem to come and go.
current mood:  awake
current music: Walk Away by God
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 27th, 2006
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6:48 pm
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Today's been a good day.
I feel free from previous limitations in a way.
Went to the gym, did some major weight lifting.
I'm actually starting to tone my shoulders a bit,
but I have a while before I feel pretty.
I'm also on a strictly no junk food diet.
Try millions of pounds of sushi.
Ok well, Ned is coming. Haven't hung out with him for awhile,
just got off the phone with Alex, also haven't talked to her for awhile.
Needing a personal M.A.C. session and a good time.
current mood:  good
current music: Zelda in the backround
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
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7:57 pm
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Last night didn't work out.
Bad idea.
Sorry.
current mood: depressed
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, January 7th, 2006
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1:14 am - And I know, waiting is all you can do...
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Words on paper seem to manifest themselves
in the cruelest of ways at times.
Ever feel like everything's spinning and
yet completely and utterly still at the same time?
"I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are...
and I've been secretly falling apart, unseen..."
current mood:  melancholy
current music: Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, December 26th, 2005
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3:31 pm - Update.
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I'm spending time with my sister.
We exchanged Christmas gifts, she got me
a peppermint candle, a candle holder, a M.A.C lip gloss, blush,
and also sparkly black eyeshadow, some chocolate, and a rose.
Parents: Gone.
Me: happy.
To anyone who I haven't already wished happy holidays,
happy holidays...But more importantly, happy New years.
current mood: good
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 25th, 2005
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6:28 pm
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Um, ew.
I actually made a Christmas list,
and practically none of it was followed.
Just like, pointless things.
I had Xbox360, Perfect Dark Zero, a pipe,
and shit-movies, money...
I got like, little things like beetles,
and little books, and a hairdryer.
I'm going to kill myself now...
I knew this would happen.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
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8:29 pm
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Ok, so I redid this test,
and decided it was brutal to kill 10,000 people.
So, I changed that one answer, and this is what I received:
| | The Pool Boy
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSDm)
Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.
A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.
You're a fun person in both big and small groups, and your friends trust and love you. Inside you, meanwhile, your lust is only growing. Imagine your beating heart sprouting pubic hair. Exactly. Try shaving that.
Your exact opposite:
The False Messiah
Deliberate Brutal Love Master
| If you're not scoring enough--which you aren't--you should adopt new strategies. Lower your standards. Be aggressive. Pool Boys are often submissive and hope (desperately) sex will find them. Realize that passiveness will not hook the horny guys you desire. A bolder approach and sheer repetition will.
When browsing OkCupid, consider both The Bachelor and The Playboy.
ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah, The Mixed Messenger |
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: analfrog99 |
Ok, now I understand.
I'm not like...the worst person ever.
Although I'd have to say it's pretty pathetic
I've made this much of a fuss over an online quiz.
current mood: cheerful
current music: Death Cab for Cutie
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, December 16th, 2005
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9:22 am - Strawberry Bidi
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Today is Friday, my final last day of fucking hell.
I'm so incredibly excited. I listened to Jane's Addiction
on my way to school, because that's my lucky CD.
I haven't written in my Live Journal frequently,
and when I have, it's usually in private.
The last couple days I've just been trying
to get to San An, kickin' it with Sydney, my lovely
wife all week. <---Happy.
Tomorrow, rave in sacramento.
I'm going to have to figure out exactly
what we're doing this afternoon.
Do you remember how much food we bought?
current mood:  excited
current music: Janes Addiction=Ritual De Lo Habitual
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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sure_thing777's journal
